


The Setup

by Pink_Tinted_Monocle



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: M/M, piercifer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 08:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14016498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pink_Tinted_Monocle/pseuds/Pink_Tinted_Monocle
Summary: The ladies decide to set up Pierce and Lucifer.  Shenanigans ensue.Cracky silliness - set sometime post 3.13 - "Till Death Do Us Part"





	The Setup

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the on a tumblr prompt from anon:
> 
> piercifer + the girls trying to set them up

“BEST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER!” shouted Ella as she sat back down heavily in the booth, head lolling against Maze’s shoulder.

Chloe eyed the luminous cocktail clutched in Ella’s hand suspiciously.  “What on earth is _that_?”

“It’s Southern Comfort, Bacardi, Peach Schnapps, Blue Curacao, lime juice, Grenadine, lemonade and just a dash of tequila.  It’s my signature drink – I call it a ‘Lopez’.”  Ella proffered the glass to the detective.  “You want some?”

Chloe shook her head.  “I think I’ll pass.  I’d rather not spend tonight passed out in the ER having my stomach pumped.”

“Aww, c’mon!  It’s not that much booze!”

“It is a fair amount of alcohol”, Linda said dubiously.

Charlotte shrugged.  “I’ll try some.”  She took the glass from Ella and had a long sip before she pulled a face and shuddered.  “God, that’s strong!  But also, _so_ good.”  She went to pick up the glass again, but Maze grabbed it first and downed the rest of it in one.

“Damn”, said the demon with an approving nod.  “That’s some good shit.”  A waiter passed their table and Maze called out to him.  “Hey you, bring us five more of these ‘Lopez’ things.”

“That’s the party spirit!”, beamed Ella.  “It’ll be just like our last girl’s night.”

“Our last girl’s night ended with Maze fighting three guys with a pool cue”, Linda pointed out.

 “Ok, so maybe not _quite_ like our last girl’s night, but we can still make it a night to remember, share a bit of gossip”, said Ella.  She turned to Chloe.  “Hey, one thing I’ve been dying to ask you about is that case you worked a few weeks back where Lucifer and the Lieutenant went undercover as a couple – I heard that they actually kissed!  Is that true?”

Chloe shrugged.  “Well, yeah, but it was just part of their cover.  I mean, at least I think it was; it did go on for a while, and it was pretty passionate…”

Ella suddenly clapped her hands together, her face cracking into a huge grin.  “Guys, I’ve just had the best idea!  We should totally set them up!  They’d be perfect for each other!”

Chloe raised an eyebrow.  “They’re the complete opposite of each other.”

“Exactly!  You know what they say about opposites; they attract!”  Ella looked around the table expectantly at the other four women.  “Who’s with me?

“I’m up for anything that’ll raise a little Hell”, said Maze.

“Why not?”, Charlotte replied.  “I could use some fun.”

“That’s what I’m talking about!  Chloe, Linda?  C’mon guys, it’s my birthday, and you can’t say no to me on my birthday; those are the rules.”  Ella widened her eyes and stuck out her lower lip.

Chloe sighed.  “It’s a terrible idea, but fine.  Count me in.”

Ella grinned.  “Yay!  You in, Linda?”

“Well, I suppose –“

“Great!  That’s settled then!” Ella beamed.  “Now all we need is a plan…”

**********************

Ella found Lucifer by the bar, where he was pouring himself a liberal measure of whiskey.

“Miss Lopez!  Enjoying your party, I hope?”

“So much!  It’s the _best_.”  Ella sipped her drink then glanced towards the other end of the bar.  “Although there seems to be one person who’s not having so great a time.”

Lucifer followed her gaze to where Pierce sat, cradling a glass and staring moodily into the distance.

“The Lieutenant?” questioned Lucifer.  “I’m sure he’s having a lovely time; brooding alone in a corner is one of his favourite hobbies.”

 “Even so, maybe someone should go talk to him, try and cheer him up a little.”

Lucifer sighed.  “Well, I suppose I could spare a few minutes of my precious time…”

He started to move towards Pierce, but Ella stopped him.  “No, not you.”

“Why not?” Lucifer frowned.

“Look”, said Ella, adopting a serious tone.  “On the very rare occasions that I’m feeling a bit down, one thing that always cheers me up is a smile and a compliment from a cute guy.”

“Like me”, Lucifer replied, preening a little.

“Exactly.  Only, I think we need to find someone other than you for Pierce.”

“And why is that?”

“ _Because”,_ Ella said, letting the word hang in the air while she had some more of her cocktail.  “ _Because_ … you’re just not his type.”

Lucifer blinked, clearly shocked.  “But I’m _everyone’s_ type!”

Ella shrugged.  “Well, you’re not his, hun.  Don’t worry about it though; I mean, you can’t please everybody, right?”

Lucifer opened his mouth to protest, but before he could say anything Chloe and Charlotte joined them at the bar. 

“Hey guys!” greeted Chloe.  “What’s up?”

“Lucifer and I were just talking about maybe finding someone for Pierce”, explained Ella, “and I just happened to mention that I didn’t think Lucifer was his type.”

Chloe and Charlotte both nodded in agreement.  “Oh absolutely”, said Chloe.  “I mean, I wouldn’t take it _personally_ , Lucifer.  It’s just that I don’t think you’re the kind of person he finds attractive.”

“After all, you can’t please everyone”, Charlotte added.

Lucifer bristled.  “Yes, I can please everyone!  I can, and I do!”  He gestured at himself.  “I mean, how is it possible for someone not to find _this_ attractive?”

“Maybe you just need to accept that Pierce is the one person you can’t win over”, said Ella.  “Come on girls, these cocktails aren’t going to drink themselves.”

The three women headed back to their booth, low fiving each other as they weaved through the crowd.

At the bar, Lucifer continued to fume.  “Not his _type?_ Well, we’ll see about that…”

**********************

“Hey loser”, greeted Maze as she and Linda sat down next to Pierce.  “You drinking alone?”

“I was”, Pierce replied wearily.

“This is Linda.  Linda, meet Cain, killer of Abel, cursed to walk the earth for eternity.”

Linda held out a hand, which Pierce shook reluctantly.  “Hi.  Slightly terrifying to meet you”, she said.

“So, no date huh?” continued Maze.  “You just rocked up to this party by yourself, saw everyone else having a great time, got all depressed, and now you’re drowning your sorrows.  Alone.”

Pierce sighed deeply and sipped his whiskey.  “Have you got a problem with that, Mazikeen?”

“No, no problem.  I mean, it’s not surprising really.  Even if you did find someone, fall in love, get married, have kids, all that shit, it wouldn’t be long before the person you loved withered and died.  And then your kids would die, and their kids would die, on and on until there’s no one left and you’re back here at this bar, knocking back liqueur and trying to block out the pain.  It’s just a shame there’s not another troubled immortal knocking around who you could share your torment with.”

“Well, there is Lucifer”, Linda pointed out.

“Oh yeah, there _is_ Lucifer”, Maze agreed.

Pierce frowned.  “What about Lucifer?”

“Just that he is also technically immortal, and as he’s not planning to return to Hell anytime soon he’ll probably be hanging around Earth for a while; maybe the next few millennia or so. 

“And you do have a few things in common, besides the immortal thing”, chipped in Linda.  “Both of you are from troubled families, and both of you seem to feel like you have something to prove to the world.”

Pierce’s frown deepened.  “I suppose we do have a few similarities…”

Maze reached over, picked up Pierce’s glass and downed the rest of the whiskey.  “More than a few”, she said, before Pierce could protest.  “Just a shame you and he are so different in every other way.  It would never work out.”

Linda shook her head.  “Never.”

“Yeah.  Never”, Pierce replied, although he suddenly sounded a little uncertain.

“Oh well”, Maze said breezily, hopping off her barstool.  “Guess you’ll just be alone forever with nothing but your giant arms for company.  Good luck with that.”  She turned to Linda.  “Come on girl, there’s a bottle of tequila down the other end of the bar with my name on it.  Quite literally; I wrote a death threat on it when I left so that no one else would touch it.  See ya, Cain.”

Pierce didn’t reply; instead he just stared down into his empty glass as the seed of an idea began to grow in his mind.

**********************

Once the five women had returned to their booth they made sure they had a fresh supply of cocktails and a good view of the bar, then settled down to watch.

After a minute, both Pierce and Lucifer stood up and started to walk towards each other.  They met in the middle of the bar, ordered drinks and began to talk.  After a few minutes they began to move closer, and Lucifer reached out to lay a hand on Pierce’s thigh.  Pierce looked down at the hand, smiled, and lifted a hand of his own to cup Lucifer’s jaw.  Lucifer grinned, then leaned forward to close the gap between them, pressing their lips together.

Ella squealed in delight.  “Wooo!  Guys, we did it!”  She lifted up her glass in a toast.  “Here’s to us!”

“To us!” chorused the other women, also raising their glasses. 

As they started to celebrate their victory, Linda leaned into Maze.  “We’ve just set up the _actual_ devil with the first murderer.  Was that a good idea?”

“Probably not”, replied Maze, adding another shot of tequila to her drink and grinning wickedly.  “But it was fun.”


End file.
